Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm both gender and math confused
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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