i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
