Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
