I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My ATM looks so different sober.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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