She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
