next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
