Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize