his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
