I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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