The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Everyone says I win the strip club
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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