I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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