she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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