Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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