You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
