How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
