I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize