I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
