hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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