I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
