I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
