Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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