i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
