Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
my liver is dry heaving
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
