Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
