8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
