We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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