i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
