I can tuck mytits in my pants
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize