Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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