Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
