Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
