I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
