omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize