I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
did i just pee glitter
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
