I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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