i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
