This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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