I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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