i think my tv is drunk
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
