So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
