so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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