I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I want to fling myself into the sun
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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