Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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