Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
