I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
