lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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