so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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