Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish you could order shots online.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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