I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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