I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
