It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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