i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
