thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
