I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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