You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
