I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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