kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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