I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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