grandma shit on top of the toilet
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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