I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
