found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
