Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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