I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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