if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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