it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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