So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He shit in the fireplace
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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