Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Oh god it's open bar.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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