It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
