she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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