I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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