She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Boobs speak an international language.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
so much tequila, so little girl.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He has the fingertips of a God
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