Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
